Awkward Medical exams

[earl_m]

1.A man comes into the ER and yells . . ..'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to
the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the
patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications.. ' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse told me to
put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have
you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . . '
Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on
a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob
replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled
'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery..
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that
her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . .
.' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name,

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when
performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously
formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said. .. .' I'm sorry. Was I tickling
you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . .
.. ' No, doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . . ' I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener .' '

[Jeanie]

A good one, thanks for sharing

[Corky]

Ok - those made me laugh. Thnx!!

[Krazy Kruizers]

great ones earl

[Beryl]

Oh my....I sure did giggle!

[TexasSue]

Being an ER nurse I did enjoy. Thanks Susan

[NiteStar]

Those are good! But especially that last one....I burst out laughing!

[popcorn]

Thanks for the laughs!

Liz

[Linda&Jim]

They were great!!!! Did enjoy the chuckles...

[J.E. M.]

Thanks for sharing.