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A little more good news on Dad

Discussion in 'The Safe Harbor' started by BostonsJ, Oct 17, 2008.

  1. BostonsJ

    BostonsJ Guest

    Well yesterday Joe got a call from the hospital they have been trying to push Dad out and in reality he really was healthy enough to go we were just trying to buy a few more days for him to get a little stronger. So Joe told them we chose a rehab, he kinda goofed he was supposed to say we liked one but wanted to check another. Well sure enough poof at 3pm they called and said the ambulance will be here at 4pm to move your father. Paula and Joe had not told Dad yet and I'm so furious that this happened because trust is something so important when you are dealing with an elderly father who has been victimized by his daugher. *second marriage* not my sister. I'm not mad at my family I'm angry at these social workers with all of the letters behind their names that don't even consider what such a bone head move does to an elderly person. And sure enough all h e lll broke out.

    Anyway, Joe went and met the ambulance at the rehab. Paula was getting calls from Joe about how angry Dad was. By the time Paula arrived he was livid telling her that he was in his right mind and no one had a right to do this to him. He was telling her he was going to call the police and that they would get him out of there. Joe was dissolved he was so upset. He is not the same fighter that Paula and I are. He was really broken up that Daddy was yelling at him and telling him off. Now mind you my brother and sister did not call me last night to tell me this.

    Anyway when Paula got there she took it for a little while. His health is better and his fight is back and so she decided time to talk turkey. She laid into him and said listen old man. You can't walk, you can't eat yet, you can't go home to your apartment alone like this and if you don't stop acting like this you are never going to be aloud to live alone again. You have a choice you can decide to stay here until we can get you eating again, and your legs strong enough for you to walk with a walker or you can lie in that bed and die there if that is what you choose. She told him that Joe and she and I have worked our butts off working with all of the agencies to get him well and now that he is well, he can't just go home and lie in a bed and not move. So he yelled at her, you get your sister on the phone right now. She sked what sister thinking he meant the piece of work who got him into this situation? He said as sarcastic as he could you get your sister Judy in Colorado on the phone and you tell her to get home here and get me out of here. I just about dissolved when I heard that. She looked at him and said if you think I'm tough you already know Judy is tougher, she isn't going to move you until she is sure you can take care of yourself so cut the nonsense and get it through your head that you need rehab, you need to strengthen your arms and legs and you need to eat and then you can go home I promise. He shut her out. She said Daddy I promise, Joe promises, Judy promised you if you can't go home alone we will take you to one of our homes you are not here forever this is for rehab. He refused to talk to her. Then she said again, Daddy I promise you. He looked at her and said, there are priests upstairs I saw them when I came in you go get them they will say I am sane and can make my own decisions. There really were priests there making the rounds. LOL She really got a little ticked then and said listen old man. You keep fighting because this is the most life we have seen in you in over a month. This is exactly what we want from you to fight fight fight but stop using your energy beating up on Joe and me, because we aren't doing this or anything else to hurt you, we are doing this to help you. He closed his eyes and said I want to go home. So she also told him he can go home but only if he works really hard and that when they come for rehab and they come for medication or whatever they tell him to do he can't lie in the bed and say no or he is destined to remain in the bed for the rest of his life. So then an orderly came in to take his picture and when he did daddy stuck his tongue out at him. OMG Paula said you are worse than my kids and grandkids cut it out be nice or they will think you are insane. That is a typical Daddy move. I can remember him having an argument with my mother and not saying much, but when she turned her back he stuck his tongue out at her. LOL . Although Paula and Joe were getting it double barrel they were happy to see how much spunk he had.

    He wouldn't talk to her anymore, remember we have babied him for six weeks, so after a while she kissed him on the forehead and said goodnight. It was after 10 she said. And Joe stayed for a while and left. I do understand they were both wiped out, she said she cried herself to sleep she was so tired, but boy I am upset not to have been told also. I begged her to please keep me in the loop explaining while she is doing most of the hard work, I'm hurting here also because I'm so far away and feel helpless to see for myself what is happening. She said I know I'm sorry. Wait till I get my hands on Joe.

    Anyway today the doctor was there and the physical therapist. They are putting together a plan for his rehab which I believe starts tomorrow. When Paula walked in someone she knows that works there was talking to Daddy and as she left he said goodnight to the person and thanked her. Then he got fidgity and Paula called for the nurse and it was clear he needed his bed changed. So as the aid and the nurse were leaving Daddy said thank you I feel much better now. Paula said she was so shocked she went back out of the room to check the door tag and the nurse asked her why? She asked is that really my father in there letting you take care of him and actually saying thank you? The nurse laughed she said he had been very cooperative today. Daddy has given the nurses a run for their money in the hospital and so cranky. It made it so much more difficult for us to get him the quality of care at times because everyone got tired of being yelled at. And the funny part he is a very mild mannered man usually, although we call him oscar the grouch he really isn't he is a kind sensitive person. I truly feel deep down somewhere he felt he needed to maintain control over his care even in his bouts of being out there. He wasn't able to because he was not competent at times yet somewhere deep down inside he knew what was happening and trying to control things. Even at his worst we could see he had bits and pieces of the puzzle but couldn't quite put it all together.

    According to Paula he was totally lucid today. His best day since his initial accident. She told me maybe having someone hit him with the reality of the situation helped. Of course not having pnoumonia, and getting good nutrition also a huge impetus. He wasn't upset with her anymore at all. He talked a little and then he said Paula they haven't brought me my dinner tray. She said she broke down at the moment, she didn't know whether to cry, sing, or dance. She said Daddy for 6 weeks you haven't been eating that is why we had to ask them to put a feeding tube in, do you understand that? We needed to get you through the illness since you couldn't eat so we had to do that or you wouldn't be here. He said I know Paula, I am in my right mind again you know. She asked him are you hungry? He said well I could have a cup of coffee and a jelly doughnut. OMG sweeter words were never spoken. He told her he ate 2 dozen jelly doughnuts a week at home. She replied well when you go home you will have one dozen jelly doughnuts but if you are eating your meals we will go and get you more. He said OK. So she called the nurse who had no order for any food or drink so it has been noted that tomorrow this must be acted on immediately and in fact I asked Paula to call the gastro doctor to confer with his doctor to make it happen. He was getting water in the hospital, but that order didn't transfer with him. She told him more than likely in the beginning it would be ice cream, jello, pudding and shakes and drinks. No doughnuts yet. He said well OK but I could have something maybe tomorrow? She told him it is music to our ears to hear him ask for food and drink and she would make it happen. Absolutely fantastic news. Hopefully tomorrow will be the day we can start fluids again, and maybe even a little soft food. The gastro doctor when he conferred with us was not sure about placing the tube. They kept asking us to change the code to a DNR. We said no, when Daddy was admitted he said he wanted to live and that they were to take all measures to save him. And we felt we would only reconsider our decision if the pnoumonia could not be cleared. So the gastro doctor said well if whoever is up above decides that Dad wakes up one day and asks for food, it will be OK to start feeding him gradually and we would just discontinue using the tube but leave it in place for 6 months minimum just in case. We agreed. He did warn us that day may never happen that he may be so weak and dependent on the G feedings that he might not want to eat. We told him we know our father and we had to give him this chance, begged him to place the tube because we believed that he would ask for food if he could lick the pnoumonia. Now we also know he has to eat enough to provide the vital nutrients he needs, so that is an issue we will have to deal with as he is allowed more food.

    Now we will see if he can strengthen his arms. He has to be able to get those arms moving and strong again in case he needs a wheel chair which is where I see this going. If he is going to be in a chair he has to be able to at least get in and out of it. The feeding tube will remain in place in case he has any relapses for at least 6 months they have told us, but at least if he is eating that is step one and we can discontinue using it. The strengthening is step 2. Just getting him out of that hospital bed is the most important thing I'm afraid he will develop clots although he has the hose on and is on a tiny bit of blood thinner, until he can get mobile some. He has to get out of that bed!

    The mind is almost 100 percent back, the will is there again and the fight. He is understanding of our desire to get him out of there so maybe he will work with the occupational and physical therapists. I sure hope so. Hearing that he was yelling for me to be called to help him broke my heart. In the last 6 weeks he hasn't been able to remember where I live. When I would ask him he would say far far away. But now he remembers I live in CO. Heck of a time to remember when he is madder than heck, thinks we have done something horrible to him and begging for me to go to him. He told me when I explained the rehab the first time, that his neighbor was tricked by family, told him that they were taking him to rehab and then they never took him out of the nursing home. I promised him that was not our intent but I know he isn't quite sure right now and that is hard on me to think he doesn't trust us. Boy, I've read all the articles about having an aging parent and up to now it was never an issue. When this hits you it is so difficult emotionally to have your parent begging you to do something you know is not in their best interests, so hard.

    We have come a long way and I pray it continues to improve over the next weeks, but we are realistic it could take months if he works really hard to get him where he needs to be, or we have other decisions to make. I won't leave him there, that is a given, he will be in one of our homes. I did it for Joe and I will do it for my father. Whatver it takes it will be done that is just the way it is going to be and no one can convince me not to make this decision, should it come down to where we end up. It is just something I feel strongly I have to do and want to do. My siblings are great and strong, but I'm the best equipped emotionally to do this.

    Thank you all for thinking of me. And thank you for not noticing my spelling errors I can't even find the right keys tonight I need some sleep.
    I'll check back when I can with news.
     
  2. The Cruiser

    The Cruiser Guest

    Hang in there BostonJ. Continued prayers for you dad.
     
  3. TexasSue

    TexasSue Guest

    Continued progress helps us get thru these times. You are stong and can do this and having been there you'll never regret your decisions.
    Many hugs and prayers from here.
     
  4. popcorn

    popcorn Guest

    Glad that your Dad is so much better. And it is thanks to his 3 kids that he has progressed so much. Hang in there and take care of yourselves too.

    Liz
     
  5. debowah

    debowah Guest

    Thanks for sharing the good news. Prayers that it continues....
     
  6. Beryl

    Beryl Guest

    =hug=hug=hug Judy....As slowly as it goes forward momentum is the main thing and that seems to be happening! Prayers continue.
     
  7. Mgram

    Mgram Guest

    Hugs Judy.......you are a good person.....and the BEST daughter.
     
  8. JacquieP

    JacquieP Guest

    Hang in there Judy! I know just exactly how hard it has been on you, because I've been there and done that. I absolutely love it that your dad is doing so much better. He has to be a fighter to overcome the things he's been thru. It took the third different cancer to finally get my dad, so even though the situation isn't the same, the fight is. Hang in there and know that you're all doing the right thing for him, but he will probably never admit it! Let him know that we're all thinking about him and praying for your entire family.
     
  9. Cruise cutie

    Cruise cutie Guest

    =hugs Bunny Sistah..I'll be ringing you again this weekend.. see I told you... and it's just going to be slow chugging, but it IS at least in the right direction.. stay strong..all our love to Tall Dude too...:daisy..Joanne and Mark..
     
  10. Lisa63

    Lisa63 Guest

    =hug =hug =hug

    Judy, your dad is so fortunate to have you as his daughter. But, I can tell from your notes just how hard this is on you. Know that you have our support. And, if there's anything I can do from here, please give me a call or email.
     
  11. BostonsJ

    BostonsJ Guest

    Thanks all.

    Well tonight I called when Joe and Paula were there. Daddy had been up for a few hours in a wheel chair sitting. They were wheeling him around to get him a little activity. He was tired not very talkative. But what I didn't like was that he was coughing really bad and sleeping alot last night and today. Now the sleeping may be that he is tired from them getting him up out of bed. But I'm not liking the change at all and the cough was awful and he is complaining about back pain, so I'm worried it is more.

    I told them to get the nurses in there to listen to his lungs and to immediately ask for a chest x-ray. I know his doctor is expected in the morning but If there is a chance of that pnoumonia rearing up again, I wanted him medicated tonight not tomorrow. I'm soooo weary from fighting from here, I feel helpless and I don't want Paula to hate me for demanding that she has to be the one to do things that I would do, if I could.. Paula and Joe throughout our lives have leaned on me during the tough times, I worry that I'm not there for them also. They are doing a good job but I know they would be better if I was there. Mahala has said a couple of times they need me there to hold it all together. siggh.

    They did give Daddy water today when he asked for it to soothe his throat from the coughing but, nothing more yet. It seems when the speech therapist came in to talk to him on Friday, in order to rule on whether he was able to swallow correctly so that we can feed him, Daddy was upset because he was left sitting in a chair for 2 hours(it is what he needs) and so he told the speech therapist to leave. eiy yi yi. A good day a bad day. Paula left word that if tries that again when the therapist comes in Monday she is to be called and she will go there and intervene. So it delayed the food and if I were there I'd be sitting on Daddy for pulling that. I guess this is my worst fear that he just isn't going to cooperate.

    I can tell Joe and Paula are wearing down they sound tired and their own lives put on hold right now. And of course from here I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I can go visit Dad and then realize it isn't down the street and just lay there and worry. I don't know if they did the X-ray or not, because no one called me back. Every step of the way it seems you must advocate. I don't know how much longer I can do this from here, I'm just feeling the need to be more hands on, I'm too fragmented if you know what I mean. The only thing I can think of short of going back for a few months is flying home every other weekend or every 3 maybe. I know if I work longer hours Dena will just give me a day off and I can fly out late Thursday on the red-eye arrive Friday morning and come back Sunday night. Or out Friday and back Monday night. I still have 3 vacation days left. I know my bosses will work with me.

    Yesterday I went to work with two different shoes on. The left shoe was an oxford with laces, the right shoe as a slip on stacked heel? But hey they were both black! rofl OK thank God I realized it as soon as I sat at my desk and I had another pair under my desk to put on. I managed to score 100 on my quarterly audit yesterday too even though I was in Bozo shoes, so my mind must still be on my work part of the time anyway. LOL The bruised tail bone is better too. I can finally sit down without pain! LOL

    That is about it for now. Hope everyone is well and happy.


    Hugs to all.
     
  12. TexasSue

    TexasSue Guest

    Hang in there - it is so hard trying to do things long distance but at least you have help there. What ever you decide you will come out on top as you are stong. Again many hugs and prayers your way.
     
  13. nieciez

    nieciez Guest

    Thanks for the update Judy...keeping your Dad in our prayers. I sure hope the pneumonia isn't coming back.....keep us posted and hang in there!
     
  14. conniecat

    conniecat Guest

    Thanks for the update. Hope he continues improving. He sounds a lot like my Dad when he was in the hospitals and nursing homes. Hang in there and take care of yourself. cc
     
  15. H2O babe

    H2O babe Guest

    I'll say what I said before - "May each day be better and a little easier than the day before".

    Hugs to you BJ.

    K.
     

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