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A little more humor.

G

Gayle V

Guest
#1
A friend sent this to me. I laughed especially hard because I know the last one is really true. Saw it when it happened on live TV last year.


Subject: Think before you speak.

I know you Think before you speak but check out these.
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak. The last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my boyfriend and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My boyfriend just smiled and said I'm here for you babe!
Bastard!.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store with my boyfriend comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes,
My boyfriend walked up and said "any questions?"
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls." He smiled, and said, I think I like it when you do, as well.

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My boy friend and I were at his house and I was looking through his pantry for a quick snack. I found a Variety of candy and nuts.
As I was looking at the selection, my boy friend came up behind me,
put his arms around me and whispered in my ear, need any help?
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My boy friend started to laugh hysterically, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, he has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :

While in line at the bank one afternoon. My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust And annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and Said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as The door closed behind me, Were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training. And I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
In between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, So of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, And she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.

I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
Because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An older couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This one had most of the state of Ohio laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?

We had a female news anchor who,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
We all say things we don't really mean,
So think before you speak
 
C

conniecat

Guest
#2
My best friend's husband decided he needed a different cologne. So they went to the local dept store and tried on the entire men's fragrance dept.

As they stepped onto the elevator to leave, she grabbed his arm while lookiong ahead at the crowd in the elevator. As she got on the car, she leaned over and whispered,"you have so much cologne on you smell like a French whore. As the doors closed she realized her husband was across the car staring at her and she was holding on to the arm of a stranger.
 
C

cycofan

Guest
#5
The golf one made me laugh. After I got fitted for my new golf clubs, you should have seen DH's face when I told him that the golf pro said I needed extra length and a stiffer shaft. :p

Hopefully off-color humor is OK here on the aft deck! :lol
 
S

Sailing_gal

Guest
#6
:)D Now the title was a warning.... I put down my cup of coffee and so
did not spill liquid over the screen.

Good Aft Deck jokes...thanks