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Good Morning, Ladies...

Discussion in 'Know Before You Go' started by JeffStern, Jul 14, 2002.

  1. JeffStern

    JeffStern Guest

    Just wanted to say, "Good Morning," to all of the ladies that post on this board, and hope that both of you have a wonderful day.
    Just to show that there are no hard feelings, "Hi," to all of the other females who post here, too....... ** If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...
    Would you go to lunch or to a movie?

    Q: How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: None, let her do the dishes in the dark.

    Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
    A: Never mind that why was she out of the house?

    Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
    A. Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

    Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
    A. Made her chain too long.

    Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    A. Marry her....

    Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"?
    A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

    Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
    A: "Honey, I'm home."
     
  2. Sgrane

    Sgrane Guest

    Jeff...you walk on dangerous ground my friend.

    Beware of RED...she has bite. As complimentary as you were to my last Groaner...I think I'll sit back and remain neutral for the time being! :grin

    Good luck my friend! :grin
     
  3. StevoTNR

    StevoTNR Guest

    Oh, I bet this one won't generate any responses.... yeah, right.

    :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
     
  4. Lisa P

    Lisa P Guest

    Sgrane - you wimp!!!!!
     
  5. Seawall

    Seawall Guest

    OUCH!!
     
  6. Sgrane

    Sgrane Guest

    Lisa...I've tangled with the "other side" before...they are relentless! And when I fought my battle of the sexes...there were not any supporters!!!!
     
  7. red stripe

    red stripe Guest

    Good morning Gentlemen...and Jeff..... I am back from church. Unfortunately it did not make me want to fly a white flag.
    So Jeff... how many calls for help are going out from you today?...you certainly need it :grin
     
  8. red stripe

    red stripe Guest

    Scott, you are smarter than you look :lol
     
  9. Ali

    Ali Guest

    Wow the war continues, this is great. I have the computer turned on today so I'm in. Come on Red if we all band together we can get him.
     
  10. Boston's J

    Boston's J Guest

    Ohhhh Jeff those are some fighting words there. Now I have been neutral on this issue up until now and I even offered to help you recover from your wounds of yesterday. Jeff YOU REALLY DO NOT WISH FOR ME TO ENTER THIS BATTLE. Take it back Jeff. A simple apology of I didn't mean it about the ladies thing will do. Tick tick tick Jeff the clock is moving.

    Judy
     
  11. 2TallMike

    2TallMike Guest

    Top 25 Training Courses For Women

    1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
    2. The Undiscovered Side Of Banking: Making Deposits
    3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
    4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores CAN Wait Till After the Game
    5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space In The Bathroom Cabinet Too
    6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His
    7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not The First
    8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
    9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging
    10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
    11. Telephone Skills: How To Hang Up
    12. Introduction To Parking
    13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into A Space
    14. Water Retention: Fact Or Fat
    15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs And Butter
    16. Cooking II: Bran And Tofu Are Not For Human Consumption
    17. Cooking III: How Not To Inflict Your Diets On Other People
    18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
    19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
    20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
     
  12. Ali

    Ali Guest

    OHHHHHHHHHH, now look who is getting into the act? MINGO DUDE!!!! The war is on.
     
  13. Seawall

    Seawall Guest

    Oh no, now Mike has joined the enemies? :grin
     
  14. Boston's J

    Boston's J Guest

    Hey 2Tall yours posts seem to lack the required punch with that gif you are sporting there lover. Maybe you should remove it for this WAR!
     
  15. 2TallMike

    2TallMike Guest

    An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA player. The Lakers need me. I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the plane.
    The second passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm the President of the United States and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of a superpower nation. Everyone is depending on me to rid the world of terrorism. America's people won't let me die." So he took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

    The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States and I am also a New York Senator and potential future President. In fact, I am the most ambitious woman in the world and the most clever woman in history." So she put on the pack next to her and jumped out of the plane.

    The fourth passenger, Billy Graham, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, so as a Christian, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

    The boy replied, "It's okay Mr. Graham, there's a parachute left for you. The most clever woman in history just took my backpack."
     
  16. Ali

    Ali Guest

    Was this one posted yet? I'm having a hard time keeping up. And Mingo Dude, dump the gif bud. Like Judy said...it doesn't go with the post. LOL

    Why Dogs Are Better Than Men

    Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
    Dogs miss you when you're gone.
    Dogs look at your eyes.
    Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
    Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
    Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
    Dogs understand what "no" means.
    Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
    Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch and they never laugh at how you throw.
    Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
    Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
    Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
    Dogs are nice to your relatives.
    Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
    Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
    Dogs admit it when they're lost.
    Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
    Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
    Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
    Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
    You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
    You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
    You can train a dog.
    You can force a dog to take a bath.
    Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
    Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous
     
  17. red stripe

    red stripe Guest

    Mike joined up yesterday... you need to read the post by Jeff about "red I asked nicely" this will give you the background on this war... and read the latest update under the war correspondents post above (cruznut)

    it is funny to see that they are now hauling in Steve to fight ME :grin

    Jeffs team 4...my team... one! hahaha I have thme out smarted... guess that is nothing to boast about, as it is so easy to do.
     
  18. Boston's J

    Boston's J Guest

    See Ali he does as he is told. :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol Smart man.

    Judy
     
  19. red stripe

    red stripe Guest

    ROTFLMAO... Mike... I think you just made my point :grin
     
  20. Ali

    Ali Guest

    15 Laws For Women To Live By

    Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
    What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
    If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
    Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
    Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
    Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
    Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
    Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
    Best way to get a man to do something - suggest they are too old for it.
    Love is blind - but marriage is a real eye-opener.
    If you want a committed man - look in a mental hospital.
    The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
    If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
    Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
    Sadly, all men are created equal.
     

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