I am sitting here crying typing this,he is gone,the love of my life,that made me complete and whole,my sister and her daughter and son arrive soon and my 90 year old mom and brother in law by train Tuesday since she cant fly. Johns 2 sisters arrive Tuesday as well,memorial will probably be Wed.,that is what we are pushing for but I cant see anyone till tomorrow,giving him a veteran service,it was so quick,one moment he had a irregular heartbeat,but could go home Friday after cardiologist zapped his heart back into a regular sinus rhythum,Friday morning I visited him and he was so warm,his blood pressure was way elevated,they said he had kidney problems and type 2 diabetes,told him he wouldnt be able to drink anymore,he was fine with that,and that he had to have decaf coffee,not fine with that,he looked so lost,there was 4 other people in his room so we didnt stay as he was gonna come home after they got his bp down,the boys decided to go see him again that afternoon but I declined as my asthma and the reaction to my new blood pressure meds was bad,about a hour later son called me to say they are rushing him into surgery,I said what,they found a suspicios thing on ultrasound on his neck,and after doing a cat scan said he had a aneuryrism on his aoarta and it was torn badly,so I didnt even get to say goodbye to him,as I was rushing to the hospital I called him just before they wheeled him in and told him to fight,that he couldnt leave me,he said I will see you right after I wake up and Ill be home again in about 7 days,I love you. Abe walked him to the er surgery room and he told Abe to get his health in order,he had to have Abe promise him to go see a doctor,then he said if anything happened to him to take care of your mom cause he loved me so,he also said pick up your moms new meds,I dont want her dying,I asked doctor to switch bp meds again as bad reaction,his last words as he looked up at the 2 boys were See ya soon!The surgery went well,they came out after 2 and a half hours and said they were able to repair everything,we all had such hope,they just needed to warm up his body again so they could take him off the heart lung machine,a hour later they came out and said he doesnt want to go off the heart lung machine,it doesnt look good but we will try for another hour,they came back a hour later and said he was GONE! At the end blood went into his brain so even if he had lived he would of been a vegetable if that was my consolation. My best friend and kids went with me to say goodbye but Abe couldnt go in that was his Dad,He was still John,I kissed him goodbye and told him to rest and I would never ever forget him and what he had given me thruout our short 16 years together. I havent stopped crying since,both my sons and I are sick with bad coughs and fever and of course I wont eat,and I am dizzy,daughter forced me to eat about 2 ounces of chicken yesterday a neighbor brought over and son went and bought doughnuts this morning,we each had one. Now for the part I havent told you,while he was at the hospital Thursday Lockheed Martin called and gave him a job,they were going to discuss details this coming week,he didnt want them to know he was in the hospital so he told them he would meet them Monday,the Northrup Grummen called Friday while he was in the hospital and offered him back the job they rescinded,and yesterday Boeing called and offered him a job,why oh why couldnt this of happened earlier.I want to thank for all the kind words,I am at a loss,I dont want to live,I want to be with John,when we were driving to the hospital i think he knew it was worse than ever as he said lets get into a accident and we can both go together,its what we both want,we both too much embroiled ourselves in each other,I sometimes wish now we had had a accident but then my kids would be grieving 2 parents instead of one. Well I know this was long but I needed to thank you all,Ive got to make up some beds and look less like a zombie before the 1st rush gets here,going try to watch the Packer game today but my heart is not in it,God I loved that man so much,my pookie bear,what am I gonna do without him.We have no money and if I lose the house I will be devasted,a week away from making 70 to a 100 grand a year,and now I am all alone,all alone.