Next step, radiation for 2 weeks



OK, I'm back from the oncology radiology appointment. Didn't want to hear this news but I had to face the current situation. I will be receiving radiation not only for the growth in my eye, (from the cancer metastasizing from my breast to other places in my body) but also for the 3 new small cancer activity spots in my brain. I will be getting an MRI soon to figure out all the fine details. I go for a fitting for my 'spider man' mask (which will hold my head absolutely still during the radiation zapping) and the simulation (setting up the course for the radiation beams) tomorrow morning. I don't believe they will be tatooing my head, that is what the mask does, set the course. I will wear this mask every time I go for treatment. I joked around with Hucc that he should have saved his mask and made a planter or a little statue out of it. LOL The radiation begins on Monday and will be daily, M-F for 2 weeks. It takes longer to park the car than it does for the actual treatment. I will suspend chemotherapy during this time.

Here are the facts of my metastasized breast cancer. Once it moves into the eye, 85 % of the cases continue on into the brain. Lucky me!!! NOT. Here are the pros and cons of having brain radiation. The cancer itself causes problems with thinking, motion, gait, balance, vision and talking. The side effects of the radiation can be decreased hearing, nausea for 3 hours following tx, extreme tiredness, not thinking clearly, poor short term memory, & the loss of the rest of my hair. In 5% of the cases vision in the effected eye could be lost permanently. BUT, this radiation could possibly extend the length of my life a little. When you balance the odds it looks like having the radiation is the best option.

Do I sound analytical and logical?? Well, that's what you might surmise, but what you don't see is me falling apart because he also told me I should stop driving and working at Mary and Sam's because of all the possible side effects of both the radiation and the cancer itself. Remember when Hucc kept having seizures? Well, those can be from either the cancer or the radiation. Darned if you do, and darned if you don't!! YIKES. That is so hard to stomach. I must make an appointment with the oncology social worker to fill out an application for SSI - permanent disability. The driving, well I'll have to deal with that with my big girl panties on. Right now I don't even want to consider this horrible and sudden loss of independence. Loosing some of my vision is bad enough, but this loss adds insult to injury, Big Time. But remember, Hucc got his driving priviledges back after his radiation was over and he had his seizures under control with medication. I'm hoping this will be the case for me as well.Actually, the doctor said not everyone gets seizures. I'm praying that this little miracle happens for me.

My sister Deana is coming for another visit this Saturday ~ happy Valentine Day to me~~~~ and we will be working on our family picture album. Sunday we will be celebrating both hubby's and his best friend Bill's birthdays. Those two ordered a princess cake and Bill's grand daughter Marley will be thrilled with Grandpa's cake. LOL Hopefully my sister will be able to return again in March. Hubby really needs a caring person to talk to right now. Obviously he isn't taking any of this very well. He really thought I was improving and we were winning this battle against the cancer. I have done enough research to know that may or may not be the situation. Only time will tell. Meanwhile, I'm working feverishly on my neices dollhouse. The outside and inside will be in happy shades of purple, pink and turquoise. I have to track down some Thomas the Engine ( and friends) mini things to put in her bedroom cuz that's her favorite character right now. How fun. I consider this to be my 'therapy' for keeping my sanity during this crazy time and a marvelous way to fill those long middle of the night insomniac hours. It makes me smile just looking at it and it reminds me of when I made so many things for my own girls when they were younger. I love my brothers and their families dearly and want this house finished while I can still see to work on it. I may not be able to see fine details well, but hey, I can still paint and bang in a nail half way straight if the light is good enough and I'm not too tired. I did put the walls on in the reverse position though, (I put the kitchen wall with the bay window cutout in the living room where the fireplace belongs) but took it apart and started over. Just a little construction boo~boo. LOL . Hope the rest of the process goes smoothly and we finish quickly ~ hubby is a great and willing assistant. He said whatever I can't do, he will tackle. Good thing because I have one more dollhouse and a roombox to complete. He is also right there with anything at all that I need help with around the house. What a blessing this is for me. It makes us both feel better.

OK, time for lunch and a quick nap. These past couple days have been soo bizarre, it seems like all of this nightmare is happening to someone else and I'm just watching it all unfold. But, alas, it's me that is being led down yet another path. I will continue to share this story with you as long as I possibly can. When I can no longer think clearly enough, or I am just too exhausted to write journal entries I will have to figure out a way to dictate them to hubby. That in itself will be a great adventure. LOL

I'll let ya know in a couple days about my experience of getting my 'spider man' mask.
PS, my Christmas tree gave up the ghost so we finally had to 'kick it to the curb' and I'll have to put my valentine decorations somewhere else. Maybe I can decorate all the Christmas boxes that are still sitting in the atrium waiting to be put away. LOL

Hugs, Mariposa


H2O babe

I have continued to pray for you Mari - I don't know what else to say to you other than people who have never even met you care about you and what you are going through. I hope that there is some comfort and solace to be found in knowing this. I try to come to safe harbor daily in case you post an update.

It is nice to hear that your dollhouse construction is something that you enjoy and something that fills time for you. It would be fun to see photos of your creations. I'm sure your nieces will cherish these gifts (well- maybe not now at the ages they are, but hopefully in the future!).

Again, you remain in my prayers.


Thanks for relating your story and all the trials and tribulations for us. My Mom had brain cancer in the 1950's and she passed in 1962. But back then there wasn't the equipment or the knowledge that there is today.

It is good that your family is working with you.

Hugs & prayers.



Not what any of us wanted to hear, for sure. Wish Hucc was here to talk to you but then again, I'm sure you are talking to him somehow. Glad you did share the time and talk with him to know some of the process.

We're still all here supporting you and praying and you are still our wonder, thinking of all those treasures you are creating for others during this tough time for you. Amazing as ever...Spidey mask and all.........and as Peter Parker said: "Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. It's the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right." Not so sure "right" is the word suited to this about "......we can always choose to do something special rather than waste precious time"


You know that you have the love, support & prayers from all of your crusie-addicts family.


Mari, I am happy to read your update only because I have been wondering how you are. I wish the news was better, but you are honestly such a TRUE INSPIRATION. I will send you a PM & one of my favorite poems "one of these days" but I just wanted to tell you that my thoughts and prayers will sincerely be with you. =hug =hug Karry
ps/ this sounds silly, but when I "get to the end of my rope" I sing DO RE Mi from Sound of Music and remember those children and "Maria" aka Julie Andrews singing and swinging with complete favorite stanza is: Me, a name I call myself...try it!! =hug


Oh Mari, thanks for the update, I had been wondering how things were going. Sure wasn't the news I was hoping for.
I'am glad that you are still able to work on the houses, it gives you such pleasure.
Prayers & good thoughts will continue from MN.


=hugs Mari. You know you are in my prayers.

I feel Hucc is guiding you in a special way that most of us may not understand.


Ronda, prayers continue for you. You are with me every day, when I sit in my TV room and see the needlework you did for Jan.


I echo what everyone else says! You are the strongest, most positive person I've ever "met". You will win this battle!



Agree, agree, agree ....

Personally, I think you've already beaten this. Your attitude and courage have proven that you are stronger. Stronger than many people I have known. I envy you!


Huggs and best wishes winging your way sure haven't gotten a break but we are here for you!