Thank you for all the cards


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and mary Ann for the flowers and those who also sent some cash in cards,every cent is much appreciated,hopefully I got out thank you cards to those who helped me out correctly. Marlee you will never know what that long newsy letter meant to me,thank you, Such a out pouring of love.

I still cannot grasp he is gone,so many things to do each day,trying to change everything to my name and sending out death certificates everywhere,trying to make a will,not that I have anything to leave but dont want my kids going thru the mess i am,I got to crying so bad I forgot the dogs last night outside for about 20 minutes,they were so cold,thank goodness i heard Moon scratching on the door,I now just wait at the dog till they are done so I dont forget them again. Moon cries a lot for John,Serena just keeps looking out the door for him its sad,they keep wondering when he will be home.

Son tries to come over each night for a few minutes but we both just end up crying. I am worried about him as well.Going to watch the Super Bowl with him Sunday.Havent made a meal yet,just keep eating leftovers from reception,just cant get into making anything for just me.Dreading valentines Day and my 57th birthday is 4 days after Valentines Day,no more red roses or gifts from John,no more I love yous!And then Johns 54th birthday will be March 9th,dont know how I will get thru that day either.

Well got to go,make something to eat,take my meds,find something to do,appreciate all the talk about volunteering but I never made it to the spinal decompression place for feet,i can barely walk,dont think I can volunteer to help anyone,need to help me 1st.

The worst is John got his job back at Northrup grummen the day of his death,they upped his salary to 100 grand to start,John was going to meet them this Monday to start. Also Lockheed Martin offered him a job at 70 grand the day he went into the hospital to start last Monday,he didnt want them to know he was in the hospital so he told them he would meet Monday to start. And Boeing called the day after his death with a offer.3 jobs he had waiting,not interviews but jobs to start,we would of been on easy street but God took it all away from him,my faith is at a all time low,got to run,crying again,love you all.


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It was good to talk to you the other night. Just take care of yourself and get through each day! I will call you soon so we can have another good chat.

Take care,



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Good to see you posting Korina & see that you are eating something. It will all take time but you will make it. And please remember that we are all here for you.


Donna - dsw

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good to see you posting. Maybe you can look for a support group in your area. People that have gone through the same thing. That is what we did for my mom. And yes, even though your faith is being tested now - - go to your faith!

Take care and keep posting.


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Korina - It is good to see you posting. A support group is a very good idea. talking with others who are going through the same grieving process. Keep talking and crying, letting the sorrow and the anger about the job situation out. Sometimes the anger part is the hardest to deal with, at least it was for me.
You remain in my prayers. Keep your faith and know that God has a plan for you.
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Korina, glad to see you posting. Keep it up, we are all here to listen & so many people have good suggestions. I sent you a long PM the other day--sometimes I don't always notice right away when I receive 1.

In your own time--when you are ready--I really think you might find comfort in a support group. Many yrs ago a friend of mine was suddenly widowed at the age of 30; she was a stay at home mom with 2 very young children. Always very religious, she became angry with God for taking her husband away so what you are feeling is normal. A support group would help in that you will learn that you are not acting crazy & that many people experience the same feelings you do. You may in fact develop some very close friendships.

Korina, you are not the 1st person to forget their pets outside so don't beat yourself up over it; I have done it. I either stand by the door til they are done or I set a kitchen timer for a few minutes.

As you make out your will, make out a power of attorney & a living will too. People don't always like to talk about this stuff but it is important. My DD was very reluctant at 1st but she now knows where I keep everything filed & she knows pretty much what our basic wishes are.

Hang in there dear & take each day as it comes. You are going to face some very difficult days ahead but you will get through it. There will come a day when you will be able to look back at the memories of these "special" days with great fondness but for right now it is ok to have a good cry.


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Community Sponsor
Youe welcome Korina, thats the least I could do. I wish you were closer, I don't know what I could do to help but maybe something. I too think a support group is a good idea. I went to 1 through the funneral home we used. I did meet some nice people there & we were all going through the same thing. I know with me the anger was the hardest to deal with. I kept yelling all the time why did you have to leave me, now what am I going to do & on & on. I wasn't much in to eating either. My son & his daughter moved home with me for awhile I think he thought I was losing it or something. I would get up in the night & pace around the house. Dick died in April & I wasn't able to go back to work until Nov. everytime I opened my mouth I would cry. So I think all the feelings you are having are normal.
Good to see you postig because you know we care.


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Korina - your pain is still so raw, which is absolutely normal. You will heal, it will take a long time, but you will heal. When you feel up to it, maybe you should join a support group or at least check some of them out. John's death was so unexpected and there are counselors who can help you, but only go if and when you are ready. (((HUGS)))

Krazy Kruizers

Holland America Specialist

So glad to ee you posting. It does take time to heal. I know that when I lost my mother -- being an only child - and having only husband (an only child) it was rough. Thankfully I was working and my support group were my co-workers.

Maybe you should join a support group.

Hang in there.


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Community Sponsor
I too am glad to see you posting as it helps you find some release of your frustration/anger etc. We all wish there was something magical we could say to make it all better. Baby steps foward and time is probably the best medicine. Remember, we are here for you.


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Korina, I think the idea of attending a support group is a great idea. My sister was widowed around 50 and it really helphed her. Wish there was more we could do for you.