and mary Ann for the flowers and those who also sent some cash in cards,every cent is much appreciated,hopefully I got out thank you cards to those who helped me out correctly. Marlee you will never know what that long newsy letter meant to me,thank you, Such a out pouring of love. I still cannot grasp he is gone,so many things to do each day,trying to change everything to my name and sending out death certificates everywhere,trying to make a will,not that I have anything to leave but dont want my kids going thru the mess i am,I got to crying so bad I forgot the dogs last night outside for about 20 minutes,they were so cold,thank goodness i heard Moon scratching on the door,I now just wait at the dog till they are done so I dont forget them again. Moon cries a lot for John,Serena just keeps looking out the door for him its sad,they keep wondering when he will be home. Son tries to come over each night for a few minutes but we both just end up crying. I am worried about him as well.Going to watch the Super Bowl with him Sunday.Havent made a meal yet,just keep eating leftovers from reception,just cant get into making anything for just me.Dreading valentines Day and my 57th birthday is 4 days after Valentines Day,no more red roses or gifts from John,no more I love yous!And then Johns 54th birthday will be March 9th,dont know how I will get thru that day either. Well got to go,make something to eat,take my meds,find something to do,appreciate all the talk about volunteering but I never made it to the spinal decompression place for feet,i can barely walk,dont think I can volunteer to help anyone,need to help me 1st. The worst is John got his job back at Northrup grummen the day of his death,they upped his salary to 100 grand to start,John was going to meet them this Monday to start. Also Lockheed Martin offered him a job at 70 grand the day he went into the hospital to start last Monday,he didnt want them to know he was in the hospital so he told them he would meet Monday to start. And Boeing called the day after his death with a offer.3 jobs he had waiting,not interviews but jobs to start,we would of been on easy street but God took it all away from him,my faith is at a all time low,got to run,crying again,love you all.