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The pain goes on and on

korinalacount

Well-Known Member
#1
it seems now that the medical bills are paid and most other stuff done I am crying more,from all the grief books I have been reading I guess this is very normal,once the numbness wears off the reality sits in.My friends and 2 of my kids think that I should be better by now but the few widows I know say this is the worse time ever as people dont want to remember John anymore,they want to get on with their lives,or they dont want to mention his name for fear you will break out crying or they are uncomfortable to call as they dont know what to say,Terry has been so good with her emails and popcorn sends me amusing jokes to my email,believe me everything helps,I just want to thank you all for putting up with me and if I dont post as much now as I did its because some days I just cant. Today was bad so I spent the afternoon with my neighbor who has been a widow for 12 years,her husband killed himself but even after 12 years she still has really bad days,especially at Christmas time. She said I just have to take it in my own time.So thats what I am doing,be patient with me,I love you all.:thankyou:
 

popcorn

Well-Known Member
#2
After the first year & all the anniversarys are done, things 'might' be a little easier. Another cruising buddy of mine became a widow in November & she joined a grief support group & is finding it a big help. She & her husband were booked on a cruise over Christmas, so she went with her sister. She enjoyed the trip but coming home to an empty house was horrible. We are here for you anytime you want to talk. From what I know, I think you are doing as well as you can.

Liz
 

Whimsy

Well-Known Member
#3
Korina, your loss is still very new and it's understandable that you are still in a lot of pain. My sister found the first 2 years very difficult but grief support groups really helped. While there was still a lot of pain for her she was able to work thru it and emerge very strong for the experience. My heart really goes out to you because I know how much my sister hurt.
 

Calgon1

Awaiting results of mental evaluation
#4
Sweetie, although you may not realize it. Those of us who have been following your (yours and John's) struggles, his death and everyone's loss, recognize the tremendous strides you've been making. Remember, there is no "normal" in this, but you are well within the base parameters. You're doing really well and will make it through this transition.

Does all that make sense? Bottom line ... you're OK and doing well.
 

BarbaraK

Well-Known Member
#5
((((((Korina)))))))

You are doing much better than you think, taking one day at a time. Support groups are such a help for the simple reason the people in the group really do understand how you feel.
 

geejay

Well-Known Member
#6
Korina - I believe that you are helping yourself heal by venting to your friends on this board, and also know that tears are a part of the healing process. You are a strong and amazing woman. Be good to yourself and know that many prayers are with you.
Gloria
 

KathyC

Well-Known Member
#7
There is no "right" amount of time for grieving; everybody is different & this is still very new for you. I had a close friend who was widowed in her early 30s & was left with 2 very young children to raise. She joined a grief recovery group & it did so much for her. She was able to vent, she was able to cry, she expressed her anger at God for taking her husband away, she let it all out & everybody there understood exactly what she was feeling. I really think a group like this would be good for you. You can try it once or twice & if you don't think it is for you then you don't have to go back but I really think you will get some comfort from others who are experiencing what you are.
 
#9
I'm new to C@, but I have been reading your recent posts. I agree with everyone in saying that you are moving through your grieving process, whether you can see that or not. You have to grieve in your own time and in your own way, but you seem to be taking a very healthy approach to dealing with your pain. Please keep posting, and venting.
I agree with the suggestion of finding a support group. Also, if there is a widow's group in your area, that may be a good outlet for you.
You may already have one, but if not, why not consider getting a pet? It could do wonders for you to have a fur baby companion now.
Thank you for sharing your difficult journey, you are an inspiration.
 

Karry

Well-Known Member
#11
I can't think of anything to add to the beautiful advice and outpouring of love already given by your friends. Just know that I do think of you often and I send prayers of comfort to you. And remember that even if one hour is BRUTAL to get thru, the next hour may bring a happy memory and some peace. Baby steps... be GENTLE with yourself. We love you.
 

JANPEP

Well-Known Member
Community Sponsor
#12
Oh Korina, you are doing great. There are no words I can say that will make the pain go away, just know I'am thinking of you & praying for you to have some peace. There are many stages of grief. They all take time. You have to live minute by minute. Like the others have said maybe a grief group would help, I know it did me. I meet others that were dealing with the same things I was & they understood. I meet some really nice people there & they had a social part to it which I found helpful.
I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave & it would all go away but I don't Just hang in there & keep taking baby steps. I can't say it gets better just easier.
 

tango55

Well-Known Member
#13
IT sounds so cliche, but time really will heal the wounds. THey're still raw for goodness sake - of course you still cry - I wouldn't think you were normal if you didn't! Come here and vent as much as you want - at least we know you're still around! We'd be so worried about you if we didn't hear from you. So keep up what you're doing - you will know when you feel better!!

Terry
 

Cruise cutie

Well-Known Member
#14
My Late Aunt died after 10 months of Cancer..my uncle lost TWO wives 36 years apart from Cancer..he goes to a support group..and to a group for Widowed folks..
anything that helps you cope/deal with the horrific pain/loss and day to day hell is good.so I hope you have these options available to you..Grieving has no time line- EVER....hope it gets easier Korina as all of it is a just plain not fair..prayers continue..Joanne