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You got to love this doc....

Discussion in 'Community Message Board' started by r8derfan, Jun 18, 2009.

  1. r8derfan

    r8derfan Guest

    You got to love this doc....

    > Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular
    > exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    > A: Your heart is only good for so many beats,
    > and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.
    > Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
    > your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
    > saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
    > it faster. Want to live longer? Take a
    > nap.
    > Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more
    > fruits and vegetables?
    > A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.
    > What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And
    > what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
    > nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
    > delivering vegetables to your system.
    > Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a
    > good
    > source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
    > And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
    > recommended daily allowance of vegetable
    > products.
    > Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    > A: No, not at all. Wine is made from
    > fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
    > that means they take the water out of the fruity
    > bit so you get even more of the goodness that
    > way. Beer is also made out of grain.
    > So have a cup now and then!
    > Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    > A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat,
    > your ratio is one to one. If you have two
    > bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
    > Q: What are some of the advantages of
    > participating in a regular exercise program?
    > A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My
    > philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
    > Q:
    > Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    > A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .....
    > Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
    > In fact, they're permeated in it. How
    > could getting more vegetables be bad for
    > you?
    > Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
    > getting a little soft around
    > the middle?
    > A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle,
    > it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups
    > if you want a bigger stomach.
    > Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    > A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa
    > beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
    > feel-good food around!
    > Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    > A: If swimming is good for your figure,
    > explain whales to me.
    > Q: Is getting in shape important for my
    > lifestyle?
    > A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
    > Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
    > you may have had about food and diets.
    > And remember:
    > 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
    > with the intention of arriving safely in an
    > attractive and well preserved body, but rather
    > to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -
    > chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,
    > totally worn out and screaming 'WOO
    > HOO, What a Ride'
    > AND.....
    > For those of you who watch what you eat, here's
    > the final word on nutrition and health. It's a
    > relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
    > nutritional studies.
    > 1. The Japanese eat very little fat
    > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    > 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
    > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    > 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and
    > suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    > 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
    > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    > 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of
    > sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks
    > than Americans
    > Eat and drink what you
    > like.
    > Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
  2. Donna - dsw

    Donna - dsw Guest

    Yeap sounds good to me!
  3. Corky

    Corky Guest

    Sounds logical to me. :D
  4. J.E. M.

    J.E. M. Guest

    I like the drinking beer part.
  5. Calgon1

    Calgon1 Guest

    The man makes sense!

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