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You got to love this doc....



You got to love this doc....

> Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular
> exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats,
> and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.
> Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
> your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
> saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
> it faster. Want to live longer? Take a
> nap.
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more
> fruits and vegetables?
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.
> What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And
> what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
> nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
> delivering vegetables to your system.
> Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a
> good
> source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
> And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
> recommended daily allowance of vegetable
> products.
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from
> fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
> that means they take the water out of the fruity
> bit so you get even more of the goodness that
> way. Beer is also made out of grain.
> So have a cup now and then!
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat,
> your ratio is one to one. If you have two
> bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
> Q: What are some of the advantages of
> participating in a regular exercise program?
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My
> philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
> Q:
> Aren't fried foods bad for you?
> Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
> In fact, they're permeated in it. How
> could getting more vegetables be bad for
> you?
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
> getting a little soft around
> the middle?
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle,
> it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups
> if you want a bigger stomach.
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa
> beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
> feel-good food around!
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
> A: If swimming is good for your figure,
> explain whales to me.
> Q: Is getting in shape important for my
> lifestyle?
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
> you may have had about food and diets.
> And remember:
> 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
> with the intention of arriving safely in an
> attractive and well preserved body, but rather
> to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -
> chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,
> totally worn out and screaming 'WOO
> HOO, What a Ride'
> AND.....
> For those of you who watch what you eat, here's
> the final word on nutrition and health. It's a
> relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
> nutritional studies.
> 1. The Japanese eat very little fat
> and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
> and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and
> suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
> and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of
> sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks
> than Americans
> Eat and drink what you
> like.
> Speaking English is apparently what kills you.